


When Darkness Falls

by Girl Wonder (sophialoving)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-04
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-04 23:28:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5352356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophialoving/pseuds/Girl%20Wonder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kashaw Vesh had every intention of leaving. He had no idea that one impulsive kiss would tie him to a beautiful half-elven druid and her friends. When he decides to align himself with Vox Machina to prepare for the fight of his life, he ends up learning a thing or two about love, life and building your own family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Share Your Story

**Author's Note:**

> This started off very much Keyleth/Kashaw but after a conversation with a fellow Critter, it evolved into something much bigger. Hopefully, I got everyone in character. The main characters are tagged, but don't worry, the rest of Vox Machina will show up at some point. :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After their trial, Keyleth tries to make sense of Kashaw's kiss while Vax learns something new about the reasons behind it.

Keyleth watched as Kashaw walked away, making no move to follow. It was as if the half-elven druid had been frozen in place. Having said his farewells, Thorbir also made his departure, leaving the trio of Vox Machina members to contemplate how to spend their time while waiting for the rest of their group to return. 

Tiberius noticed how shocked Keyleth seemed to be at Kashaw's special farewell to her and gently nudged her to try to snap her out of it.

“Aren't you going to follow him?” the dragonborn asked quietly.

“And do what exactly?” Keyleth's voice was quiet but still had an edge to it. “He's made it clear he has no intention of staying.”

“Oh well,” Tiberius replied, not knowing how to respond, “I guess we had better get ourselves settled and see where our accommodations are.” 

* * *

Vax'ildan hated to see Keyleth on edge the way she was and decided he would confront the cleric. He quietly caught up with Kashaw outside the Slayer's Take Guild Hall. 

Kashaw heard the faintest sound of footsteps behind and said without turning around, “You're going to have to do better than that to find out where I'm going next.”

Vax jumped in front of Kashaw and replied, “I wasn't wearing my cloak; I had no intention of sneaking around to find out where you're going. As a matter of fact, I was just going to ask you.” The half-elven rogue tried to keep a neutral expression but was struggling to mask his disapproval of the cleric's actions towards Keyleth.

His expression darkening, Kashaw replied in a low voice, “I don't think that's any of your business, Vax.” 

“You made it my business when you decided to toy with my friend's heart,” Vax countered, “If you had no intention of staying, why did you kiss her like that?” The half-elf crossed his arms and gave the cleric a stern look.

Kashaw lowered his gaze, avoiding eye contact with Vax. “It just felt right at the time. Besides, it's better this way. It's better for her to hate me for leaving. You wouldn't understand.”

“Try me,” Vax challenged him.

They both sat on the front steps of the Guild Hall as Kashaw recounted the story of how he met Aaz'lynn, the elven bard who stole his heart shortly after his sixteenth naming day.

“Her name was Aaz'lynn. Met her at the local inn, gorgeous redhead with a voice to match. She was the epitome of sunshine and goodness. And I fell for her, hard.”

“What happened?” Vax had to ask. He had a feeling he knew where this was heading but he had to ask.

Kashaw still couldn't make eye contact with Vax. This was always the worst part of the story. “There was an attack on our village.” His voice cracked but he continued on. “Aaz'lynn insisted that she needed to stay behind to make sure everyone got out safely. We lost a lot of people that day...”

Vax's own eyes lowered as he heard this story.

“My friends, my family...Vesh took everything from me, including the first girl I ever truly loved. She'll take every opportunity to remind me how much of my life she owns because I'm the only one standing in the way of her turning this world into eternal darkness.”

Vax just nodded, not knowing how to respond.

“Keyleth can be annoying but she's also beautiful, brave, loyal, smart and talented at what she does.”

“I know.” Vax's response was quiet but it wasn't lost on Kashaw.

“She reminds me of the light I lost in my life, and that's why she's better off being angry at me for leaving her like this.”

“Wow, that's brutal,” Vax said, maintaining a quiet voice.

“I'm not making excuses for the way I've behaved; I'm just trying to keep myself from makng the same mistakes. I don't want Keyleth to be collateral damage in a fight that has nothing to do with her.”

While he understood where Kashaw was coming from, Vax pointed out, “You know you have us as friends now; you don't have to go at it alone.”

“I think it's just better if I leave now, for everyone involved,” Kashaw responded, “I don't want to cause any trouble for you and your friends.”

“If you change your mind, we'll be in Vasselheim for a couple more days, waiting for the rest of our group, and then...” Vax trailed off as if to say that he was on his own after that.

Kashaw nodded appreciatively. “I should get ready to leave,” he said quietly.

The two shook hands and Kashaw headed off towards the Bellow's Respite.

* * *

By the time Vax got back inside the building and sought out the mess hall, he found Tiberius there but no Keyleth.

“Vax, where have you been?” the dragonborn greeted his friend.

“Just needed to go for a walk,” Vax explained quietly.

Tiberius raised an eyebrow and replied, “Well, you missed dinner, and Keyleth refused to eat. Could have used your help with that.”

Vax looked concerned. “Where is she?” he asked, keeping his voice quiet as the food meant for him arrived.

“You're not going to eat? I just had your food prepared.”

“I'll take it with me,” Vax told Tiberius as he picked up his tray.

Tiberius nodded, leading the way to Keyleth's room, pointing out the room he was assigned to share with Vax along the way.

Vax motioned for Tiberius to stay when they got to their assigned room. “Let me go and talk to her alone.”

“Okay, she's in the room five doors down,” Tiberius said before he stepped into the room, “I'll see you later.”

Five doors down, Vax knocked on the door to Keyleth's room.

“Keyleth?”

When he got to response, he attempted to open the door. When he realized it was locked, he placed his tray on the ground and did what he did best, which was pick the lock with his thieves' tools. He retrieved the food and entered the room.

Keyleth was in Minxy form and if a tiger could look surprised, that was the vibe Vax was getting. He placed the tray on a nearby desk and waved his thieves' tools at Minxy.

Keyleth reverted back to her original form and said, “Well played, Vax'ildan.”

“What are you doing here hiding in Minxy form?” Vax asked with a hint of concern, sitting on the bed, “Tibs said you wouldn't eat; what's up with that?”

“I just needed some time to myself to think,” Keyleth explained, joining Vax on the bed as she spoke.

“Does this have anything to do with the cleric who just kissed you and left?”

Keyleth turned a bright shade of red at the question. “No, of course not!” she vehemently denied, “Why would I care about that guy?”

Vax chuckled. “Relax! Just have some food with me with we'll have a chat,” he told her as he went to grab the tray to bring it to the bed.

“What's there to talk about?” Keyleth asked with a tiny voice.

“You're upset and you're terrible at hiding it,” Vax pointed out with a bit of a teasing tone, trying to lighten the mood.

Keyleth poked at a salad with a fork. “Why should I even care about that guy?” she muttered, as though trying to convince herself, “He wasn't even that nice.”

“It took a while for him to warm up to us but he's an okay guy,” Vax commented.

Keyleth said nothing in response as she finally began to eat the salad.

Vax smirked in between bites of his beef stew and maintained his teasing tone. “Do you have a crush on Brother Kash?” He figured, if the serious approach was failing, he needed to continue approaching it with a little humor.

Nearly choking on her salad, Keyleth had to take a sip of water before should respond. “No!” After recovering, she added, “What gave you that idea?”

“Just the way you seemed to enjoy the kiss,” Vax continued to tease her.

“I was just starting to get to know him, and then he kisses me; It's all just really confusing,” Keyleth explained, “Now that he's gone, I'll never have the chance to keep getting to know him. I'm just sad about that. It's not weird that I'm sad about that, is it?”

Vax simply shrugged. He didn't want to betray his new friend by spilling secrets that weren't his to share but he wanted to tell Keyleth _something_. “I think you might have accidentally stumbled across his marshmallow center.”

There was a moment of confusion but Keyleth blinked it away. “Not that it matters now because he's gone.”

“Look on the bright side, Keyleth, we survived and we just got paid! What do you say we go out for a few drinks to unwind? We'll ask Tibs if he wants to babysit.”

“Why not?” Keyleth replied after taking a beat to consider it.

* * *

They had been sitting at their table in the Bellow's Respite when it happened. Tiberius and Keyleth were sitting next to each other across from Vax, who had a clear view of the staircase leading up to the guest rooms. He was waiting, waiting to see if a familiar face was going to surface. It was a coin toss; it was entirely possible that it was already too late. However, when the half-elven rogue looked up from his drink half an hour later, and made eye contact with the cleric he hoped would show up, he let a smirk run across his features.

Kashaw panicked and waved Vax off, as if to say he wasn't going to come over, before he broke eye contact and headed for the door.

“Oh hey, what's over there?” Keyleth asked as she followed Vax's gaze.

Before anyone else could respond, she promptly stood up and headed in the direction of the exit, her glass of strong elven wine firmly clutched in her dominant hand, while the other hand was on her hip.

“Fancy meeting you here, Stranger,” Keyleth greeted the cleric, sounding annoyed and a little cold, “Thought you would be gone by now, back to the wife and all.”

“You know, I liked you better annoyingly chipper,” Kashaw admitted, his words being met with a surprised expression from Keyleth. He went on to add, “I'm leaving in the morning.”

“I never expected my first kiss to come from a guy who didn't really care,” Keyleth told him sharply.

“It's not like that...” Kashaw began to say before he got interrupted again.

“I'm sure it's not,” Keyleth shot back, “Why did you kiss me then?”

“It felt right at the time...” Kashaw tried to explain himself but then faltered. As a last ditch effort to make things right, he added, “I was gonna go out for a walk, but we can sit and continue this conversation instead if you want.”

“Fine.” Keyleth finished what was left of her drink and followed Kashaw to a table.

After helping Keyleth settle down at the table, Kashaw sat to face her, a tentative look on his face. They stayed silent for a moment, while Keyleth was drinking.

“You don't have to keep pushing people away when they get too close,” she finally said several minutes later.

The abrupt delivery of the statement threw him off a little bit but he appreciated that about her. They were similar like that, straightforward to the point of being blunt at times. “I know,” he told her, “It's just...”

“Why kiss someone like that when you know you're just going to push them away?” Keyleth pressed on, “There's more to it than the fact that it felt right at the time. There's gotta be, because it sucks being the one left behind.”

“Keyleth...” Kashaw was at a loss for words; he had no idea how to take Keyleth's kindness. There was a part of him that wanted to stick to his plan so badly, but there was another part of him that wanted to see what she had to offer, even if it was just friendship. He felt the need to be close to someone again, even if it wasn't Aaz'lynn.

“I know what it's like to lose a parent and I know what it feels like to feel like you're on your own,” Keyleth told Kashaw as she reached across the table to rub his arm reassuringly, “I made my own family with Vox Machina, and you can be a part of that too.”

“Why do you care, Keyleth?” The question came out a little exasperated, but Kashaw mostly conveyed a sense of feeling like it was all undeserved with his tone of voice, as though she was too good for him.

“Why not?” came the defiant answer, challenging his sense of being undeserving of having her in his life.

“Because the people I care about die, Keyleth!” Kashaw snapped, “I can't let that happen to you too.” It took a beat for him to process his outburst before he darkened his expression.

At first, Keyleth didn't know how to take Kashaw's outburst. She had heard him speak about the destruction of his village, but it was the first she'd heard of how deeply Kashaw actually cared about her. “I can't make you stay...but at least give my other friends a chance. Let us try to help you,” she finally said after a moment's thought.

“I can't let you or your friends get hurt in a fight that has nothing to do with you.”

Keyleth smiled gently as she spoke. “If I was in trouble, would you help me, even if the fight had nothing to do with you?”

“In a heartbeat,” Kashaw replied without hesitation, then his eyes lit up for the first time as he added, “I see what you did there.”

Keyleth nodded with a proud smile. “The offer still stands,” she told him, “I'm sure Vax and Tiberius wouldn't mind and I'm sure the others would warm up to you too.”

“It's not that I don't appreciate your offer, Keyleth, because I do,” Kashaw spoke quietly, “It's just that what I'm facing is a lot bigger than what people are generally used to.”

Keyleth nodded. “Yeah, I'm not sure being married to a possessive evil deity is something most people have to deal with.”

“I know I can come across like a jerk at times but it's only because I can't let myself get too close to people, not after what happened last time.”

Keyleth nodded in response. “What was her name?”

Kashaw blinked in surprise at the question, taking a moment to recover before he spoke again. “Aaz'lynn. She was a beautiful elven bard with talent for days. Beautiful. Brave. Pure. She died trying to help evacuate the village after Vesh decided to go on a rampage.”

“And she died there with your parents and everyone else?”

Kashaw nodded. “She was the first girl I ever truly loved.”

Keyleth sighed, contemplating her words before speaking. “I can't promise you I won't suffer at the hands of some form of evil like Aaz'lynn did. To be honest, I probably would have done the same thing she did. We put our lives on the line fighting against evil all the time; it's what you and I do. What I can promise you is this: If you let me fight with you, I'll fight as hard as Aaz'lynn did to save as many innocent people as possible from Vesh's wrath. I'll fight for you just like I'd fight for any of my friends.”

Kashaw was rendered speechless by Keyleth's speech at first. After a moment of silence, he spoke again. “You wanna know why I kissed you? You reminded me of her.”

“I figured. I just wanted to understand why, and now I do.” Keyleth smiled at him as she brushed the solitary tear off his cheek. “I was never really mad. I was just upset that I wasn't going to get the chance to get to know you better.”

Kashaw sighed. “I guess that wasn't really fair...”

“So...can you meet with the rest of my friends before you make your mind up about leaving?” Keyleth suggested, “We can help you figure out your next move. Besides, what's a couple of extra days in Vasselheim?”

“I guess there's no harm in that,” Kashaw conceded with a shrug.

“So do you wanna join me, Vax and Tiberius for dinner and drinks?”

Kashaw smiled and shook his head. “I think I'm still going to head out for that walk,” he told her, “But I will stick around until your friends get back.”

“Good.” Keyleth stood up and planted a kiss on his forehead. “Be safe, Kashaw.”

The pair stood to take leave, Keyleth keeping an eye on Kashaw as she headed back to the table she shared with her friends. She still wasn't completely sold on whether he would actually stay or not, but hopefully, she'd shown him that he didn't have to be alone.


	2. Consider The Friendships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keeping his word, Kashaw stays in Vasselheim to meet the rest of Vox Machina and ends up caught between two of his trial teammates and a disapproving twin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what the hell this is. I just started typing and this came out. Whoops.

There were too many times he had wanted to run in the last two days. His instinct had always been to keep people at a distance to protect them. Every new encounter with every potential friend always ended with a departure without a promise of return. This time, Keyleth compelled him to stay, just by extending a hand of friendship. His kiss had not had the intended effect, that was for sure. Even Vax's unexpected compassionate ear made him a friend Kashaw wasn't sure he wanted to leave behind. He even socialized with his three trial teammates, having meals with them and nice chats, both at the Guild Hall, and at the Bellow's Respite.

So because of Keyleth and the time he had spent with her, Vax and Tiberius, he stayed. And that decision led him to return to the Slayer's Take Guild Hall just in time to see Keyleth, Tiberius and Vax reunite with their friends. He stood by the window to watch the scene unfold in front of him. The goliath, the gnome, the human...none of them held his interest like the half-elf that looked quite similar to Vax but had her own beauty and elegance about her.

After a few moments of watching them reunite, Kashaw turned to look outside the window, contemplating his fate.

“ _You think that the Light can save you?”_ The threat in her voice was thick like concrete, and dark like her soul. _“You know that it's only a matter of time before I tear you apart and the Darkness will finally take over, and when it does, I will make you regret your pathetic existence.”_

The power struggle between Darkness and Light was the only constant in his life and while it shouldn't have phased him to have had this sort of encounter with Vesh in the outskirts of Vasselheim prior to his Slayer's Take trial, there was always that little piece of his soul that she always seemed to manage to chip away at each time she threatened and taunted him.

“ _As long as I live and breathe, you will never win, Vesh,”_ he had said with conviction that night, _“The Light will always prevail; I will make sure of this.”_

Kashaw would fight, as he always did, but carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders was wearing on him. Maybe Keyleth and Vax were right, maybe he didn't have to carry the burden alone...

“So you're the guy who kissed Keyleth,” a female voice interrupted the cleric's thoughts.

A smirk took hold of Kashaw's features as he replied without turning around, “And you're the twin sister. Vex'ahlia, I presume?”

“You are correct.”

When Kashaw finally turned around to face the half-elf who had approached him by the window, he found that everything he had assumed about her was wrong by at least a mile, if not more. There was something different about her beauty, something unlike Keyleth's or Aaz'lynn's; there was a deep anguish there. Her eyes held the pain of her past, much like his did, and he found a strange source of comfort in that.

“You're a lot prettier than your brother described you.”

Thrown off by the comment, Vex took a moment to blink past her confusion before she replied, “Thank you, I think.” She paused for a beat and added with an edge to her voice, “You know, my brother has a thing for her.”

Kashaw hadn't been a hundred percent sure, but the fact certainly explained a fair amount of things, including the ease the pair had at pretending to be married.

“You don't sound entirely pleased about it,” Kashaw pointed out, “You and Keyleth have been friends for a long time. What's your issue with it?”

Vex looked as though she was about to protest but instead, she countered, “What makes _you_ so calm about it? You kissed her; you must be interested in her too. What's making you okay with this?”

“Three things,” Kashaw replied, “They have history, she's too good for me, and I've got too many issues to deal with right now.”

Vex narrowed her eyes, as if she didn't believe a word he said.

Conceding to her, Kashaw held his hands up in front of him. “You don't have to believe me.”

“Good, because I don't,” Vex told him, “I don't buy your act one bit. If you felt anything when you kissed her, now's the time to act. I can even help you get my brother out of the way.”

Relieved that there was no chance to respond to Vex, Kashaw smiled over her shoulder at the approaching group, which caused her to give him a ' _I'm not done with you_ ' look.

“So this is Kashaw, he's a real good cleric,” Keyleth announced to the group in front of him, “He helped us hunt a Raksasha.”

Looking past Keyleth to Vax, Kashaw commented with a smirk, “Your sister's quite the charmer.”

“She can be if she wants to be,” Vax replied, grinning back at him.

“You might wear the same face, but she wears it better,” the cleric teased his new friend.

Vax feigned a pained expression. “Ouch,” he said, “What, am I not good enough for you?”

Vex rolled her eyes at the exchange between her twin brother and the new cleric before she said, “I just wanted to introduce myself personally, that's all.”

“Did she give you the wink?” Vax asked, a teasing tone taking over his voice.

“Oh shut up, Vax'ildan,” the ranger muttered under her breath. And with an eye roll, Vex walked over to where Tiberius was standing with Grog, who was talking about the encounter with the frost giants.

Keyleth pulled Kashaw away for more introductions; first Percy, then Scanlan, then Grog. There were smiles and polite conversation, but Kashaw wasn't really paying much attention to anyone but Vex. It wasn't like with Keyleth; it was much simpler than that. He was curious about her more than anything else; she wasn't like anyone he had met before. She was strong in her vulnerability, and that aspect of Vex had made an impression on him.

As everyone scattered before dinnertime, Keyleth noticed Kashaw watching Vex and said, “Oh no no no, you aren't thinking...”

“No!” Kashaw cut her off, “It's not like that, I swear!”

“Good, because Vax is super protective of his sister,” Keyleth warned him.

“I get it, he's protective of those in his family.” He left the afterthought hang in the air. ' _Including you, Keyleth._ ' There was a lot Kashaw wanted to add, but he held his tongue. He didn't want to meddle; it really wasn't his place anyway.

“So, you'll be joining us for dinner, right?” There was a hint of hopefulness mixed in with her expectation that he would try to make an excuse to bail and it showed in her tone of voice, but Keyleth tried to play it cool in her own awkward way.

Kashaw gave Keyleth a look that clearly said, ' _I waited the two days to meet your friends, what else do you want from me?_ '' but he replied, “Okay, fine. One meal.” There was something about Keyleth that made it hard for him to say no to her. Maybe it was the way she reminded him of Aaz'lynn or the awkwardness of her delivery every time she made a request of him...

“Good, I'll see you tonight!” Keyleth cheerfully skipped off, leaving Kashaw alone with his thoughts.

* * *

It had been a tough few days and all Vex wanted to do was get a massage from Trinket and cuddle with him. The Slayer's Take had offered Trinket the use of the courtyard to roam in and rest in so that was where the two of them ended up. When Vex thought no one was watching, she loved to confide in Trinket, particularly about things she couldn't speak to her brother about.

“I don't understand why Vax has to mess up the way things have always been,” Vax whined at Trinket as the bear gave her one of his famous massages, “We're a _family_ and we don't hook up with each other. That's just weird.”

Trinket let out a few grunts that Vex interpreted as confusion. Of course, bears would have no understanding of 'hooking up'.

With a sigh, the half-elven ranger went on. “I've always been the only important girl in his life, even when it comes to Vox Machina, you know? I mean, we're all family, but being his twin, his flesh and blood, that set me apart. Now, there's going to be someone just as important, if not more important than me.”

Trinket let a few grunts out as he nuzzled Vex's neck affectionately before continuing the massage, as if to say ' _To me, no one is more important than you_ '.

“Aw, thank you, darling.” She paused for a moment to enjoy the massage before adding, “If I could just get that Kashaw guy to help me keep the status quo with Vox Machina by distracting Keyleth from Vax, this would be perfect.”

Trinket's growls went low, and Vex knew that her bear was concerned somehow. Was her own animal companion telling her that it was a bad idea to actively get in between her brother and one of her best friends? There was no way that was the case; bears had no understanding of complex relationships, right? She shook her head and continued on with enjoying the massage.

* * *

Before Keyleth could even open the door to her room, it burst opened and she was quickly pulled in by Vax. “Thieves' tools again?” she whined slightly, “Am I ever gonna get any privacy?”

“Not a chance,” came the playful reply from the rogue as he shut the door behind him.

Keyleth narrowed her eyes as she asked, “So why are you in my room?” She headed towards her bed and sat down.

“I saw the way Kashaw was looking at my sister earlier,” Vax commented casually as he took the other bed, the one that was meant for his sister.

“Me too...” Keyleth began to say but then looked at Vax, mildly confused, before she added, “Wait a second, you seem really...calm about that. Why?”

“I've had a chance to talk to Kashaw, and I'm not worried about him hurting her,” Vax said confidently, “He's a good guy and I think maybe Vex needs someone new to maybe work her charm on or something...” His voice trailed off; the plan had made sense in his own head earlier but at that point, he wasn't so sure.

“So you're suggesting we set those two up somehow?” Keyleth asked carefully and slowly, as if she was making sure she understood correctly.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound right now, Vax?”

“It gets my dear sister off our backs for a while...I mean, she reacts to every little thing we do, it's starting to get a little obnoxious.”

Keyleth waited a beat before replying, “That's true, and Kashaw needs someone to distract him from his problems too.”

“Then it's settled.” Vax frowned as he added, “So how are we going to do this?”

The pair of half-elves exchanged looks but before they could do or say anything, they were saved by a knock on the door.

“Keyleth, are you in there?” Kashaw's voice came from the other side of the door, “I need to talk to you.”

“Sure, come in, door's open.”

Kashaw stepped tentatively into the room, then stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Vax sitting on the bed across the room. “Oh...uh...if I'm interrupting something...you know, I can come back later?” he stumbled across his words as took a step back into the doorway.

“No no no, stay, please,” Keyleth told him, “Vax and I were just talking. You can join us over here if you want to.”

“You actually have amazing timing,” Vax added quickly, “We wanted to talk to you about something.”

Kashaw walked back into the room, grabbed a nearby chair from the desk and pulled it over to the area between the beds to join the two half-elves. “So what did you want to talk to about?” he asked as he sat down.

“My sister.”

Kashaw's eyes widened, as though he had been caught redhanded stealing a cookie from the cookie jar. “Actually, I wanted to talk about her too,” he told both Vax and Keyleth, “It's clear to me that there's something between the two of you; what it is needs to be sorted out. I get that. That being said, Vex isn't too happy about whatever this is between you guys and she did not hesitate to let me know what she thought I should do about it.”

“We're trying to figure it out, whatever this is,” Keyleth explained.

Vax added, “It's just hard when my dear sister won't give us the space to feel things out...we were just discussing ways to distract her...”

“You want _me_ to distract Vex while you guys...figure things out?” Kashaw had pieced it all together just then, causing a smirk to appear across his face.

“Yeah, basically,” Keyleth told him with a slight nod, then pointed out, “Stick it out with us and do this, please? At least, the next time Vesh gets all rampage-y, you won't be alone.”

“Besides, we could use a cleric like you,” Vax chimed in.

“I need some time to think about it,” Kashaw told them, partially because he was struggling to say no to Keyleth, but mostly because he really did need the time, “I'll let you guys know tomorrow?”

“Sure,” Vax said quietly.

Looking at Keyleth, Kashaw noticed that she was trying really hard not to say something. He quickly averted his gaze and headed out for the door.

“Was that all you wanted to talk to us about, what Vex said to you earlier?” Vax made sure to check; it looked like Kashaw had more on his mind.

“Yeah, that's all,” the cleric replied over his shoulder, “Just thought you should know.”

As soon as Kashaw walked out of the door, Keyleth exhaled sharply, as though she had been holding her breath the entire conversation.

“Whatever it was, why didn't you say it?” Vax asked her.

“He needed to make up his own mind and stick with us because it's right for him, not because I pressured him into it,” Keyleth explained.

Vax nodded in understanding before he stood up to leave himself. “I should get back to my room and get ready for dinner.”

“See you soon.”

Keyleth showed him out and then sighed as she got herself ready for dinner, a thought hanging in the air. ' _You could have made sure he would come along. You knew the right thing to say. Why didn't you say it?_ ' She was second guessing her decision to let him come to his own conclusions about joining up with Vox Machina and distracting Vex but the moment passed, and if she really wanted to say the words, she would have to find another moment soon.

* * *

After having spent time with Trinket in the courtyard, Vex was ready to wash up for dinner. She had run into Kashaw in the hallway on her way to the room she shared with Keyleth, and the encounter caused her to smirk.

“Why hello there,” she greeted him, a lot friendlier than she had been earlier, “Wasn't expecting to see you walking down these halls. I was told you weren't staying here.”

“I was just visiting with friends today,” Kashaw explained casually.

“Have you given what I said earlier any more thought?” Vex asked, mimicking his casual tone.

“I'm still thinking about it,” Kashaw replied, flashing her a somewhat forced smile, “I'll make sure you're the first to know when I've made up my mind.”

“Good, good, darling,” Vex chirped, “I'll see you at dinnertime.”

Kashaw nodded in acknowledgement and then moved on down the hallway. As far as he was concerned, he still had an out. He didn't have to deal with all of the craziness of Keyleth and Vax's problems with Vex. He could still walk away from them, from all of Vox Machina, and continue to fight alone.

* * *

It had been an interesting time, watching the entirety of Vox Machina interact (minus their cleric, he would later find out). Kashaw definitely felt the sense of family among the ragtag group of adventurers, he even almost envied it. Almost. Then he remembered that they would all be in danger if he chose to join up with them. He figured, the decision was made for him; he had to leave, get as far away from Keyleth, Vax and the rest of Vox Machina as he possibly could.

It wasn't until he was walking past a dark alleyway close to the Bellow's Respite that his decision became less straightforward. Her voice called to him from the alley, its source, a dark evil unholy energy, melded into the darkness.

“ _If you think you'll be able to protect that druid by leaving her behind, you're wrong. You sealed her fate the moment you kissed her._ ”

Kashaw didn't bother to investigate the alleyway; he went straight to his room at the Bellow's Respite to finish packing his things. Whether he was joining up with Vox Machina or leaving for some far away land, he had to finish the packing. He moved as though he was auto-pilot until he was done, then he stripped himself of his armor for the night and then went to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has been reading so far - your support means a great deal to me!
> 
> The ending is inspired by another story called The Druid's Shadow by banjelerp.


	3. Choose Safety In Numbers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WIth Pike's blessing, Kashaw decides to team up with Vox Machina and has a moment of honesty with Vex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In honor of Will Friedle's return to Critical Role as Kashaw, I've decided to post this update! YAY!

Kashaw had been walking towards the Slayer's Take Guild Hall with purpose that morning. He had been so focused on his destination that he almost missed the half-elven ranger walking out of the building.

“You look like a hot mess.”

If it hadn't been for Vex's comment, he might have walked by her and missed her completely.

“Thanks, I feel even worse,” he muttered in her direction as he walked by.

“Wait.” Before she could even really think about it, Vex was pulling on his hand. “Is everything all right, Kashaw?” she asked as she just as quickly released his hand.

The cleric's eyes traveled from the half-elf in front of him to the bear hovering over the two of them before he replied, “Yeah. I just need to go talk to your brother.”

Vex nodded at the mention of her brother. “He's inside. Probably in the room I share with Keyleth,” she flippantly mentioned before she headed for the courtyard, “Remember, we still need to have that conversation!”

“I know!” Kashaw called back to her as he walked into the building, ignoring the spark he felt when she grabbed his hand, “We'll talk later.”

* * *

“So Keyleth, that Cashew guy, you _like_ him?”

Scanlan's teasing caused Keyleth to turn bright red. “Shut up, Scanlan.”

“So let me get this straight: You invited him to join us?” Grog asked for clarification.

Keyleth shrugged. “He's...in trouble,” she explained vaguely, “He's a good guy who has to deal with things that are out of his control.”

Percy looked to Keyleth, nodding. He could relate to the idea of trouble following him and having been taken in by Vox Machina.

“I know Tiberius would be okay with this, and so would Vax,” Keyleth said to the group before her, “I know you guys only had last night's dinner to get to know him, but what do you guys think?”

“Even though I think Pike is like, the best cleric ever, if this guy is willing to help, I'm willing to give him a shot,” Grog was the first to reply.

Scanlan shrugged. “I'll go along with what the group decides, I always do. For me though, it depends on what Pike says. Maybe we could visit her at the temple and ask her opinion.”

“I think that someone on his own who's in trouble like that could use a family like ours,” Percy chimed in, reflecting on his own experiences. Recalling the way Vox Machina had broken him out of jail, he added, “You've done a lot more for someone you've known a lot less.”

“Hey, I was told I could find you guys here,” a familiar voice rang out, “What have I missed?”

A distinct and familiar voice rang through the mess hall and interrupted the group's conversation. Everyone immediately scrambled to their feet to get to its source to give out hugs in the midst of squeals of delight and excitement.

“Hey, where's Tiberius, and Vex, and Vax?” Pike asked as she greeted each of her friends, noting the missing faces.

“Well...I'm pretty sure Vex is in the Courtyard checking up on Trinket,” Percy explained, “Tiberius and Vax might still be in their room...not really sure...”

“I'm sure they'll come around soon,” Pike replied, “So how's everyone doing?”

Various replies overlapped, ranging from excitement to relief.

When Pike finally got everyone to calm down, she looked to Keyleth, who seemed a little preoccupied. “You okay there, Keyleth?” she asked quietly.

“We were just talking about you,” Keyleth replied, trying to appear nonchalant about it, “I was just telling the gang about one of the people that Vax, Tiberius and I went on our Slayer's Take trial with. He's in a little bit of trouble, and I was asking everyone if they would mind having another cleric travel with Vox Machina while you're working on that temple.”

Pike nodded slowly, taking the information in. “I could talk to him later, if you'd like,” she offered, “Check him out for you.”

“Yeah, the others have already met him and they've already had their vote, you're really the only one we need to consult,” Keyleth explained, “Let us know what you think.”

“I will.” A huge smile broke out on Pike's face. “So update me, guys! What's been going on?”

The group pulled Pike in and they sat her down at the table to begin the discussions. Keyleth swiftly excused herself and took her leave. She had to check in with Vax and see if he had heard anything from Kashaw. As she left, she could hear Grog and Scanlan lead the storytelling, talking about the dragon they had slain for their trial.

* * *

 

Kashaw had been walking towards Keyleth's room when a window at the end of the hall caught his eye. As he approached, the armored bear became more and more clear, which led Kashaw to walk past his destination and get right up to the window to check out what was going on outside. There he found that the armored bear was actually with Vex, which made sense, since he had been told that Vex was a highly skilled ranger with a bear for a companion. He just hadn't seen the bear before then and it took him by surprise to actually see it in its fully armored glory. Fascinated by the way Vex was training her bear, Kashaw continued to watch him, completely unaware of his surroundings.

It wasn't until Keyleth and Vax were heading back to Keyleth & Vex's room that they found Kashaw at the end of the hallway. Approaching him, they quickly realized what he was looking at.

Attempting not to startle the cleric, Keyleth quietly commented, “She's pretty amazing with that bear, isn't she?”

Kashaw remained still but replied, “Yeah, the way she trains that animal...she must have a real clever bear.”

Vax chuckled at the comment about the clever bear before he asked, “So...have you thought about joining us for a while? Distracting Vex and all that?”

“Yeah.” Kashaw finally turned to face the pair of half-elves, his eyes finally locking with Keyleth's, “If your group's okay with it, I'll stick around for a while, but only because you asked me to.”

“Good, because I would really appreciate your help on my Aramente,” Keyleth replied quietly, “I'm glad you decided to stick around.”

After sharing that brief moment, Kashaw broke his gaze from Keyleth and nodded to acknowledge Vax. “I'll do my best to keep your sister out of the way,” he said quietly for the rogue's benefit, keeping his tone neutral.

“Good, so we should all head to the mess hall to discuss the next step,” Vax replied with a nod.

Keyleth threw her arms around Kashaw, who gave Vax a mildly uncomfortable look. The rogue shrugged it off, amused at the sight, as the druid released the cleric and launched into an explanation of what her Aramente was all about while the three of them walked down the hall towards the mess hall.

* * *

 

It had been decided that the entirety of Vox Machina (except for Tiberius, who had to depart for Draconia due to a family emergency right at the start of their meeting in the mess hall) would escort Keyleth on the next leg of her Aramente, to seek out the second out of the three sister tribes of the Air Ashari. Kashaw loved to listen to Keyleth explain her journey, and he loved to watch her take a bit more of a leadership role organizing her friends for the journey they were about to undertake. It was just another instance of the druid showing what she was made of, much like her moments of brilliance during their trial.

And after a quick introduction to Vox Machina's beloved cleric, the group had officially welcomed Kashaw among their ranks. With the blessing of Sarenrae and a cryptic mention of a vision, Pike welcomed Kashaw with open arms, despite only having just met him, which threw him and everyone else for a bit of a loop.

“I had another one of my visions the other day. It's a really vague one, of a human fighting something fiercely in the shadows,” the blonde little cleric explained, then she turned to her friends and added, “He's a very strong warrior and I can sense he's fighting a strong evil. I don't know exactly what his story is but I don't think he should be alone. He is more likely to succeed if he has help.”

Most of the others acknowledged the vision and listened to Pike's words with a level of trust that had been built up over the years, but only the two in the room who knew of Kashaw's story took her words to heart.

“Thanks, Pike,” Keyleth said quietly, “I knew you would understand.”

“Strangers are just friends you haven't made yet,” Pike said cheerfully, giving Kashaw a bright smile, “Besides, I know you really bonded with Vax and I trust your judgement.”

And the eight of them split up to make preparations for their trip. On her way out, Pike grabbed Kashaw's arm and pulled him aside to speak to him.

“Listen, I know there's something you're not telling the group,” she said in her quiet gentle way, taking great care not to sound accusatory in any way, “They know you're in trouble but they don't how deep.”

A part of Kashaw was tempted to say ' _And you do?_ '' but Pike was a fellow cleric who had just stuck her neck out for him despite not knowing him; a part of him felt safe to speak candidly. Instead, he replied, “And I don't want them to know. When the time comes for me to take my final stand, I need to know that I can keep all of you out of harm's way and I can't do that if everyone wants to jump in to help.”

Pike's eyes grew wide momentarily before she spoke again. “You can trust them, you know?” She paused, as if she was carefully selecting her words, before she added, “They're the best sort of family I could ever chosen. They could be yours too, if you let them. No group of people would fight harder with you, _for you_. Think about it.”

The little blonde gnome scurried off to catch up with Scanlan and Grog and see if they wanted some extra company on their errands. Kashaw sighed; the word family had been thrown around quite a bit, not only by Pike, but also by Vax and Keyleth, and that wasn't lost on him. The more he thought about it, the more they could be right.

* * *

 

It came to pass that Vex had errands to run and invited him to come with her under the guise of wanting to get to know him, but Kashaw knew better. Still, he played along with this; he gave Keyleth and Vax his word that he would keep the ranger distracted and that was what he intended to do.

“So you're finally going to talk to me?” Vex said coolly as they walked on down the streets of Vasselheim.

Kashaw exhaled sharply. “You make it really hard for me to avoid doing that,” he countered, “So, do you really want me to stand in the way of your brother's happiness?”

“Yes.” Vex found the word slipping from her lips before she could think about it; a part of her felt no sort of guilt about saying it, felt no sort of guilt for doing what she felt was for the best.

Shaking his head, Kashaw said quietly, “I don't think this is the way to treat family.”

“My brother is impulsive and crazy, and he bounces from person to person when he loses interest,” Vex explained matter-of-factly, “This thing with Keyleth is just a phase, just like everything else in our lives.”

Kashaw shrugged. “Whatever you say, Vex. You're the one who knows him. I just want you to be sure that you understand what you're doing and what it could do to your relationships with both your brother and your friend.”

“In your own weird way, you sound like you're trying to be my moral compass,” Vex commented, “Must be a cleric thing.” She shrugged; between Keyleth and Pike, she was used to having someone in her ear to keep her in check but in the back of her mind, she was always going to be slightly put off by it. She was a lot more calculated, more methodical in getting what she wanted, and didn't have the same sort of internal moral compass that the other Vox Machina girls had. A part of her always questioned whether that made her a terrible person but she never talked about it with anyone.

“I'll try to spend more time with Keyleth; that's all I can do, Vex,” Kashaw told her firmly, “I am not going to attempt to influence the outcome of whatever it is that they're trying to figure out. We both need to give them space to sort all that out.”

Vex narrowed her eyes disapprovingly. “They've already gotten to you,” she spat out.

“No, Vex,” Kashaw shot back, “I made a mistake when I kissed Keyleth; I put myself before her. I had that one moment of weakness and I'm trying to make it right now.”

“So why are you travelling with us then, if it's not to try to win Keyleth's heart? What's your angle?” As far as Vex'ahlia was concerned, no one lived their lives as an open book. Even the purest of hearts kept their cards close to the chest. Everyone had an angle, particularly the cleric in front of her.

“Pike's not always going to be able to travel with you guys while she's working on that temple, right?” Kashaw pointed out, “Keyleth and Vax thought it might be a good idea for me to travel with you for a while to help you out as a healer, so they wanted to introduce to the rest of Vox Machina. And here we are.” It was a safe answer, he figured. 

Restraining herself from making a face at the mention of the pair, Vex nodded, appreciating the practicality of the arrangement, but something still bothered her, as though there were missing pieces to the puzzle in front of her. “Well, we've been needing a healer for a while; I'm sure everyone's as glad as I am to have you on board,” she conceded casually; she decided there would time to press for answers about the evil he was fighting and details about his past later on.

“It'll be nice to travel with a group for a while,” Kashaw replied casually, “It'll be a welcomed change.”

The pair stopped into a nearby shop together to pick up some supplies, temporarily shelving their conversation for a later time.

 


End file.
